Saturday, December 31, 2005

Holiday Ramblings

The event so far...

It's been a rather chaotic break so far, with over 2,000 miles logged on the odometer and the return trip to Kirksville yet to come.

I was sitting here in front of the fire and thinking this evening what a wonderful role in my life science and learning in general has played. I think more than religion, or even the people in my life, science has shaped my worldview.

My mother emphasized reading extremely early in my development, and at a very young age I was able to engage the world through the written word. It was short order before I was looking through books with beautiful pictures of sea life, birds, animals, and most importantly, the stars, and devouring the words describing them. It was this fascination with space that would lead my interests through the years. Of course I was passionate about nearly everything I read, but more than anything this interest with the heavens held me, and does so to this day. As a young adult, it was the writings of Carl Sagan that would truly define for me how science could unlock nearly everything I was interested in.

I wasn't a whiz in school though. I never felt it worthwhile to apply myself academically as a child, and only late in high school. School was something I was going to get through, and that was about it. But one day during senior year of high school,my friend Doug asked if I would like to go with him to tour Florida State for the day, as he was looking where to go after high school. Though I had no intentions of even going to college I went with him as I thought it would be a nice way to spend a day with my friend, and it was a school-excused absence. But I fell in love the instant I stepped foot onto campus. What I saw was thousands of young people in one place to learn. And not just to learn, but to learn whatever they wanted. The libraries were brimming with every book imaginable, and the possibilities for learning were limitless. On the spot my goal became to attend the university at all costs. With some last-minute sacrifice and mental acrobatics I managed to fulfil that goal and it was only the first step. My experience at FSU shaped me not only because it was a place to learn, but a place to grow in general, and that I did. And many other interests were opened to me, and I am greatful for all of them.

I was looking for a star chart on Amazon.com, and it just brought all of these thoughts on: how much I loved science, and education in general. That warm feeling I get when I walk into a Borders, turn on PBS, or hear Science Fridays on NPR. The sensation I have when I see children learning about the planets for the first time, or when I look up at a very clear night sky during a long-distance drive. It's a haunting, huge feeling in my heart, and a warm blanket all at once. I'm amazed and greatful for our capacity to learn, and our ability to stretch our minds and abilities. I was playing with a dog this morning and I was disappointed about how slow I was moving, compared to this dog. I said to myself, 'Why don't you go faster?", so I did. I thought I could. The human mind is simply amazing.

A lot of rambling yes, but I like to illustrate how easily I forget how wonderful the most simple things, truly fundamental, can be taken not granted, but rather forgotten during what we call "life". And usually life is disappointment over a circumstance or even more often a social situation or the restrictive mental confines of a medical education. This science, this learning, they're wonderful things. But I think they are a bit endangered, as I see a lot of chilren who don't have this lust. They don't have it because they aren't offered it. Children are zombified by entertainment television (not at all evil, but definitely needing balance), and even worse, are being taught at school merely to take some state qualifying test, rather than in the broader sense of true learning. It's something we need to strongly consider when we speak, when we act, and when we vote, as policies are proposed which constantly reduce education dollars, threaten public broadcasting, limit scientific teaching to replace it with religious agenda, and that constantly threaten the quality of American education. Perhaps we need another space race to bring these issues to light? For now I commend those teachers who teach with passion, parents who nurture discovery within their children, and those leaders who strive towards quality in the education of our chilren and of our adults. I am greatful for those who write the books, and produce our educational radio and television shows. And I am greatful that I can always read some book, or look up at the sky when I'm driving home for the holidays and ask, "Why?"

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Monday, December 19, 2005

an obscure vacation

I would like to think that I'd have a nice normal vacation considering what med school and most of my breaks have been like so far, and what is so wierd about this one so far, is how boring it is. And not in a bad way.

I bought a $23,000 car so that I'd not have to fool around once breaks came up, or when I had to travel, but my Subaru Outback has other plans. The 'check engine' light has been on for two weeks, and I don't think it's a mistake that needs to be reset. My mileage has gone from ~33mpg to 18. And I can't turn on cruise control. Which is probably why the 'cruise' light is constantly blinking. Not quite sure how to get out of this one. I'm not quite sure I'll be able to get 'home' for Christmas. I was supposed to drag the car to the nearest dealership-100 miles away-but I had a cluster headache this morning, which put an end to that idea rather sharply.

I guess this is God's way of saying 'slow down' without killing me.

In the interim I've cleared out a ton of movies from the library, stayed up until 6am doing pretty much nothing important since Friday, and finished Harry Potter book five. This is how one truly saves the world.

I've also discovered Virgin Radio UK on the web.

So I've had nothing to eat today beside half of a mason jar of chocolate-covered expresso beans, and it turns out that even I can get very wired on those.

I'm currently working on songs for The Audio Journal (my solo project which I've done absolutely nothing with for several years). I don't think I have any intentions of making a TAJ EP, but maybe I will. I don't think The Still Technique will be going on forever and ever, especially since everyone will be moving in about eight months.

End of the line.

-Aaron

Monday, December 12, 2005

no stay of execution

"I am not the kind of person to sit around and worry about being executed...I have faith and if it doesn't go my way, it doesn't go my way."

Stanley Williams' words last month regarding the appeal process for his sentence of death. But faith isn't enough these days, (and I doubt it ever was [see 'the Holocaust', 'Manifest Destiny', or Hispanola circa 1492 for details]) as Williams' final chance for appeal failed today. The interesting thing though is why California Governor Arnold Schwartzeneger denied Williams' appeal. According to Reuters,

'The governor, weakened by a loss on all his initiatives in a special election he called last month, would have risked alienating his Republican party if he granted clemency.'

Stanley Williams, the founder of the street gang the Crips, has been charged with the murders of four people in 1979, and to this day has maintained his innocence. During his time in prison, he has written at length against violence, actively worked to turn children from gangs, street violence, and drugs, and has been nominated several times for the Nobel Peace Prize. This however does not count as reform, and the politics cry for blood.

We have executed 1000 people in the US since the mid-seventies, and Stanley Williams will be 1001. Violence is violence, especially when it is goverment sanctioned. This is our solution as a country.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

ice box

I don't know what I was thinking, but I followed Titus into the 32 degree waters of Thousand Hills lake today. Needless to say, it was cold. After realizing how cold it actually was, I pulled myself out of the water, back onto the ice floe, and into the snow, because it was warmer there and I could breathe. For some reason I got back in, and swam with him at the end. I couldn't really stand up for a few minutes, as I kept falling to the right. i don't want to know what's physiologically wrong with me now, but I suspect I had paralyzed a cranial nerve. And my toes still hurt.

Very disappointed about my adopt-a-child kid. He was a great kid, but so, so cynical already, at only 13. It was a bit depressing. I do think he'll turn out ok though.

In other news, I have a very serious, impending sense of doom. I'm not kidding.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

OXFAM transcript

The following is the transcript from my speech at the OXFAM Hunger Banquet held on December 1, 2005.



Thank you, and good evening.

I initially became involved with George and the KCOM OXFAM project because I felt I could offer resources on behalf of Hope’s Kitchen, as well as some kind of real perspective as I am the volunteer coordinator of that agency. However when we were looking for speakers to give first-hand accounts on hunger and it’s impact, it seemed reasonable and appropriate for me to share part of my life story for this event.

Hunger is a disease of circumstance. It does not occur in a vacuum, and it is the result of many factors: poverty, age, famine, disease, war; global, political, and economic instability. Ours was a story of circumstance- the circumstance of losing a house and losing our life-savings in the litigation surrounding that event. My mother and I lived alone and did not have strong ties to our family. Losing our house was an emotionally besides financially draining event, and was a demoralizing blow for my mother. After time our only option was to move into decrepit ‘roach motels’, and when even that became too expensive the only remaining choice was to move into our car, a 1978 Ford Pinto. When it finally gave out we lived in the city parks of the suburbs of Detroit.

There are two particular and defining milestones of true hunger. The first is fear. There is a real fear when you realize there is simply no more food, and the reality of another meal is an uncertainty. Fear consumes you for so long but then gives way to the second emotional milestone, acceptance and apathy. This phase personally, is more frightening than the first; as it is not simply an acceptance of a lack of food, but rather the acceptance of your position in life. Apathy is the path to fixation, and many of those who are hungry will remain hungry.

I am speaking to you today as one of the few who, through tragic circumstances, were able to escape poverty and hunger. However hundreds of thousands in the Unites States, and millions throughout the world are not so lucky.

In this small community of Kirksville, Missouri, the specter of hunger is all too present. Every third and fourth Saturday as many as three hundred meals are delivered to those in the community who would otherwise go wanting for food. To put this into perspective, I personally make visits to a little old lady in the community. She lives in a small house on Elson Street, alone. The first time I delivered food to her, she didn’t know how to open her door to let me in, and she keeps her own phone number by the phone so she can remember it- something she couldn’t do for that first meal.

“Honey, this is the first thing I’ve had to eat in days, and I’m so very weak. God bless you”.

And then I watched this very hungry woman take a small bit of the bread brought with her meal and share it with the birds, because she was worried that they had so little.

Real giving is done unconditionally. Compassion, generosity, and outreach are what will effect hunger. It has persisted with mankind since the very beginning, and will remain with us in this age of wonderful technology, globalization, and information. Only through the awakening of our compassion and humanity will we impact hunger, this disease of circumstance.

We are going to take a moment of silence, and I’d like you all to use that time to contemplate what hunger really means. Hunger is a very real thing. It is so easy to see it as a statistic. It is all over, and it is something that on a regular basis we avoid in the newspaper, or on CNN or National Public Radio. The majority of you in attendance this evening are here to become physicians, or to support those becoming physicians. You would not have chosen this path if you did not have compassion, or were not concerned about the welfare of others. But as physicians your responsibility moves beyond the health and welfare of the individual to that of humanity in general. I want you to understand that hunger is a very real thing, and it is among you. People are scared. There is no relief for them. There are no holidays.

Please take your moment of silence now.

Thank you.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Collapse

So things didn't go quite as smoothly as I'd like today, particularly in regard to finances. I have a small, ridiculous black mark on my credit record which prevents me from qualifying for my private MedLoan. Big problem that is going to require a lot of letters, a lot of phone calls, and a very long paper trail.

My landlord granted me permission to rip up my floor in my bathroom and recondition the hardwood floor throughout the house. I wonder how many people would like to bet I'll be taking my showers at the medical school for the rest of the year?

Plan is to work with Jason this weekend on coming up with some material for a Still Technique E.P.. We'll see how well we do at pushing EKG's out of our heads in order to come up with some catchy show tunes.

Now to the afore mentioned EKG's...


p.s.

If you are in the Kirksville area, please attend the OXFAM hunger banquet being held tomorrow at 6pm. It should be a pretty powerful event, and I'll be speaking on my experiences with homelessness in Detroit. Be there or be studying...

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Home from home

Home.

I'm finally back in Kirksville after an all-too-short visit to Tallahassee. It was a wonderful break, made better by two facts:

1.) I had successfully completed a very difficult quarter of medical school

2.) The knowledge of receiving the OTM fellowship.

The OTM fellowship is significant, because it postitively effects my semi-immediate future. I don't have to worry about the rotation site match. There is no uncertainty of where I will be moving in the fall. I'm moving to where I want to live, and where I want to study medicine: Grand Rapis, MI; Metropolitan Hospital. Grand Rapids is a very progressive city, and Metro is an amazing hospital- it is Michigan State's flagship hospital, it is truly osteopathic, offers excellent medical and OMM training (especially in obstetrics and surgery), and it is an environmentally responsible organization (it's new hospital is being built to green, sustainable standards, and is one of the first in the nation).

So with this great deal of satisfaction and relief, I was able to very much enjoy my time in Tallahassee. I got to actually relax and enjoy my time. I spent days with my loved ones, hours and hours with the new baby, ate too much food, stayed up all night talking in front of the fire with James (there was a fire every night thanks to Pat), played video games with Pat, used an incredible ammount of OMM, and tested my clinical knowledge when it really mattered-when a loved one was in the hospital. All of this was exhausting and rejuvinating at the same time, and I wouldn't trade an instant of lost sleep for the fun I had. This was easily one of the best weeks of my life. Heck, I had two Thanksgivings while I was there, and they were two of the best I've had. There is a lot of love in Tallahassee, and I really need that. I'm very fortunate.

The drive home seemed almost short, because I knew I will be coming back in three short weeks. It also helps that I bought a power inverter and can now talk non-stop during my drive. I did drive through some amazing weather (read-scary) on the way back, but I made it in time for class, and was actually able to sleep for about three hours.

The dog is home, and that is VERY weird, I think for both of us. But I feel really normal now that he is here, and I can't believe he was gone for over four months. I have a very busy few weeks here, but I think they are going to just fly by. This first one is the worst, but I plan on getting all of my work out of the way immediately, and crusing through the last two weeks. Then it's back home.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Yes, another one

so this is yet another of my blog/look-at-me things i have on the net, but i was very disappointed over livejournal, and myspace is great, but really weak blogging.

i used 'the net' in a serious sentence.