Burnout

I'm at a very severe and troubling time of my life. For once, I'm not depressed-although I may be and just not know it.

I'm frustrated at my life, my current state that is. I feel choked by my position, and would rather not be where I am-Kirksville, medical school-here. I don't know where/who I'd rather be. All I know is that I am suffering total and debilitating burnout, on a scale I should only experience after several years of practice.

It is shortly after the new year. I returned to Kirksville less than a week ago. Since that time I've spent maybe two to four hours in class, and would be suprised if I could offer much more than that this week. I am exacerbatingly broke, the school out of money to offer me. I am frustrated by the potential career of medicine, and feel suffocated by the prospect of further medical education.

I have nothing I am passionate about right now, and seek solace in fleeting activities: stop-gaps in the hours of coscienceness and not. I'm overweight, in constant pain, and suffer from an always-present sense of fatigue. I can never get enough sleep, and would attempt to sleep away my life it it could be held. It all sounds like depression, yet I am mentally acute, enjoy time with my friends, simple activities, reading, meditation, my animals, movies, all of it. I simply no longer wish to become a physician, no longer have the strength to help. I thought about the practice of medicine today and became immediately nauseous.

I believe I am simply sick of it all, and the mere thought of an attempt ant organization exhausts me.

The question now is, what to do? I will ride it out, as long as I can afford to, and see if my passion returns. But for now I can honestly say that if things don't change in the near future, I will leave this path for good.